


is this real life

by orphan_account



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-01
Updated: 2015-07-08
Packaged: 2018-04-07 02:18:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4245750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When avid writer and hardcore Phan shipper Lola Custard accidentally takes a green pill instead of her normal blue vitamins, it gives her the unusual power to send the main pairing in her phanfictions into alternate universes where everything she writes comes true.<br/>Dan Howell and Phil Lester, to say the least, aren't too pleased when they get thrown in a few too many AUs for their liking.<br/>crack!fic and Phanfiction parody. Don't take it seriously, please.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I say govnah, what a mysterious pill!/something's up and Dan wanna know what

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally supposed to be called 'My Way Of Including Every AU Possible Because Doing Multiple Stories Is Too Mainstream And I'm A Pretentious Hipster' but that sounded like a Fall Out Boy song from 2005, so I decided not to call it that.  
> You may need some tissues in later chapters, because there will be an angst AU or something but I'm pretty crap at writing angst and it's all part of this manip universe (meaning it isn't permanent) so you should be okay. :D  
> Enjoy the story!

It was an ordinary, slightly lonely day for 17-year-old Lola Custard, but that was to be expected. Emtee, Montana wasn't known for its buzzing activity– mostly cattle. And mountains.

Really, that was all that was in her small hometown anyway. Cattle, mountains, and her family.

She sat at her laptop, working on her latest RPF involving the British YouTubers Danisnotonfire and AmazingPhil. Well, by now, it wasn't really necessary to include the names of the YouTubers anyway, because everyone (except her poor, oblivious parents) knew that that was all she wrote.

Lola opened the tab containing some of her Phanart inspiration, seeing that it held a couple chibi drawings and one that would definitely be NSFW. Bookmarking the smutty one for later, she wrote down something about a coffee shop before scrapping it in the trash can next to her door.

 _"Oh, Dan and Phil... Why do you give us so much and so little to work with? It's very frustrating,"_ she thought as she finished off the final paragraph of her Phanfic and tuned in to the static-infused "melodies" playing next to her.

An old Maroon 5 song from 2008 faded out on the small radio next to her desk before a man with a Rockies accent (no accent at all) announced the time. 9:30. Time for vitamins.

Lola groaned and shut it off, forcibly jerking the desk drawer open. A tiny yellow case of vitamin pills sat there, _mocking her every move with their gleaming microscopic blue faces_ –

Yeah, right. They were just a little shiny, to be honest, but Lola was a fanfiction writer, so you can hardly blame her for her overactive imagination. She picked up the minuscule case and examined the seven vitamins remaining. It would have been just like yesterday, except something was different.

Normally there were only blue pills in her case, but today, a lone green one sat there like a robin in a bluebird nest–

For God's sake, if Lola couldn't control her imagination in an insignificant situation like this, college would be a train wreck.

" _Taking more than one probably wouldn't hurt,"_ she decided. _"Besides, the doctor said I'd feel immediate effects if anything went wrong."_

Lola popped the blue pill and the green pill into her mouth one by one and then took a swig from the Camelbak on her desk. She then closed her Google Docs tab and opened her Tumblr, where she published the final instalment of her latest Phan Mpreg fic.

•      •       •

Meanwhile in London, England, Dan Howell and Phil Lester were tired as heck after a night of editing and Internet for both of them.

It was around 2:45 AM and Dan was, well, just about ready to pass out, despite the copious amounts of caffeine that evening and the prospect of a job he needed to finish. He had, of course, spent the beginning of the evening surfing Tumblr and waited till around an hour before midnight to even start editing, so really he was more exasperated with himself than tired, but tiredness showed through more.

All the lights were turned off in his bedroom and the video editing software illuminated his room as he worked on yet another RWDAF to upload to his channel the next day. Phil was also editing one of his own videos in his bedroom, and seeing as they had agreed to tell each other before one of them went to sleep, they were both very aware of how late they were both staying awake.

He was determined to finish the video before sunrise.

But somewhere between that promise to himself and dawn, he must have fallen asleep. He woke up to streaming daylight and singing birds. There was no computer in sight, meaning he must have put it away somehow.

But that didn't explain how when he looked down, he saw Phil's agonizingly bright bedsheets wrapped around his body. That _definitely_ did not explain how when he looked down, he saw his own belly, which looked to be about four months pregnant.

He had a sudden urge to hydro-pump in a toilet.


	2. what the hell is going on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Dan explores the joys of pregnancy, Phil makes him two pickle-filled meals, and the next day they end up in Starbucks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings: Mpreg for most of the chapter. If you don't like mpreg then don't read. Also, swearing.

After a satisfying vomit into the toilet, he had gone into the kitchen to make himself a coffee.

His eyelids were still heavy due to a lack of sleep, and he really needed the caffeine. However, once he reached the kitchen, it seemed that all his coffee had been confiscated and replaced with some kind of herbal tea.

Dan rolled his eyes. What kind of man would take away another man's coffee? Not Phil, obviously. Something was definitely wrong.

Well, that was sort of obvious, judging from the inflated state of his stomach. Last he recalled, he was most definitely a male.

Phil trudged into the kitchen, feet dragging behind him. Dan felt bad for him– now, neither of them would be able to have their morning coffee.

"It's about time you woke up," he said carelessly before his voice shifted into a much more serious tone. "Now can you please tell me what the fuck is going on?"

Phil looked confused for a moment before his eyes traveled down to Dan's stomach. He blinked. "What the hell Dan."

"I don't know! I literally just fell asleep, woke up, hydro–pumped in the toilet–"

"You _threw up_?"

"Yeah– which is weird because everything was completely nor–"

"Dan." Phil's expression was strange, slightly strained as he cut off Dan's tirade. "I think you might be pregnant."

"Oh yeah? You think? Look at me."

"Hormones, Dan."

"Oh. _Shit._ "

 

Dan sat on the side of the couch, eating his peanut–butter–and–pickle sandwich ravenously as Phil stared at him with a weird expression on his face. He couldn’t really blame Phil for staring– it wasn’t like he had ever seen a pregnant male before, much less his flatmate and best friend.

And where the hell had those four months gone, anyway? It wasn’t like someone, even a woman, could just _wake up_ four months pregnant. That was like being born an adult– coming into being already halfway developed.

Whatever strange universe they were in, it was extremely clear to both of them that they had to get out of it as soon as possible. Dan wasn’t ready to be a father– and he _definitely_ wasn’t ready to be a mother, either.

If he had learned anything from his experiences with women, he had learned that labor was _painful as heck_ , probably more painful than anything he could ever– well. He was very much pregnant at the moment, and it seemed that going into labor was one of the many problems that had arisen with the sunrise that morning.

Other problems included: irrational cravings, morning sickness, vomiting every few hours, and having to endure nine months of this hell before they would actually have to raise a child together.

And… oh, _God_.

They still lived in a bloody apartment. A freaking two bedroom apartment. Where the hell were they supposed to raise a child? _How_ the hell were they supposed to raise a child?

Phil put down his phone, a grim expression set on his face. “Louise just called. She was wondering how you and the baby were doing.”

_You and the baby_. It felt so weird to be referred to like that. What was even going on? He knew nothing about pregnancy, nothing about how to keep a fetus child safe within your body, and neither did Phil. 

Why was this happening so suddenly? Surely some kind of warning would have been the polite thing to do. But would they have even believed the warning if they had gotten it?

_Dear Mr. Howell and Mr. Lester, we must inform you that at the break of dawn tomorrow one of you will find yourself pregnant._

His stomach quite literally lurched him out of his thoughts and he was forced to scramble into the bathroom to recall the little food he had eaten.

 

So after that vomit, Phil had apparently decided that Dan wasn’t strong enough to be up and running.

“Oh, come on, Phil,” Dan had protested as Phil steered him into his– their?– bedroom. It seemed that Phil’s bedroom, which was by far the more colorful, had been converted into a kind of nursery overnight. “When women are pregnant, they don’t spend all day in be–”

“Dan, you’re not a woman,” Phil reminded him. “You are a man, and your body is _definitely_ not prepared for the stress of pregnancy. Watch some TV while I make us dinner. I hear there’s a new Doctor Who episode on BBC Three about now.”

Before Dan could inquire just how Phil could know or care about Doctor Who episodes in a situation like this one, the other man had already left the room and was clanking pots and pans in the kitchen.

After a meal heavily laden with pickles, both of them came into their bedroom, determinedly sleeping facing away from each other. But somehow, in the middle of the night, their limbs managed to get tangled together nevertheless.

 

Dan woke up and immediately gazed down. Oh, thank god. The bulge in his stomach was gone. Had it been a dream?

Wait. Where was the bed? Why was he standing up? _What the hell was he wearing?_

A green nametag on his lapel. A beige apron with a green-and-white logo embossed on his chest. An array of blenders and assorted coffee machines lined up on the counter in front of him. Phil standing across the counter looking as confused as Dan felt, a styrofoam cup gripped tightly in his hand.

Oh. So apparently Dan worked at Starbucks now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YES I WENT THERE. COFFEE SHOP AU. HELL YEAH


End file.
